The cry baby whom I am at movies, I am however hardly moved to tears when I read an article from the newspapers.

But today, I teared not once, but twice - at two separate articles in the local papers.

I was moved to tears by Peacock Lim’s My Paper tribute to his dear friend Lo Hwei Yen, who was laid to rest today. I saw snippets of my last blog entry about what happens when you lose a friend - without the opportunity to say your final goodbye. And then there were the rest of the articles, which had her husband describing her final moments, the phone calls she made, what she said, and the absolute heart-wrenching task of locating - and seeing her body - on the 19th floor of the hotel.

Like he said, at least he was able to see her lying there, which have gave him some kind of closure. “I patted her cheek, and she still looked beautiful,” he said. Tears flowed down my cheeks upon reading this line.

Losing a friend is one thing. Losing the love of your life, is another. What moved me was also the line ’she was my entire life’. And it was something I could relate to.

Because. I have someone in my life who IS my entire life. In fact, for the past 11 years.

And on crazy days where I daydream morbidly, I sometimes imagine losing The Puppy very suddenly, very drastically, without the chance to say goodbye, to tell him how much in the world I love him, and how he has been the light at the end of my tunnel, the silver lining of my every dark cloud, and the absolute hero, the strongest pillar of my mere existence, and how in the world I would ever cope without having him here with me. 

And by losing him, I do not mean a break up. At least I know, he’s well, and perhaps happy, with a new partner, or a new life. That’s not an issue in any way. In fact, I’ve said it many times, love is about letting go. And if The Puppy is happier without me, I will let him go.

But when I mean losing him, I meant the same way Lo Hwei Yen’s husband has lost her. Suddenly. And forever.

I understand what he meant when he said he didn’t know how to go on with life, without her. Because I would feel the same. If I had lost The Puppy in the same way, I would have be so devastated that my entire world would come crumbling down. MY ENTIRE WORLD. I wouldn’t know how to go through with life. Or if I even want to go through with life, ever again. 

I wouldn’t know how to say goodbye. I wouldn’t know how to live my life. I wouldn’t know what to do. I probably wouldn’t be able to do anything. And this is just me imagining. I cannot even start to fathom how anyone is able to survive such a heart-wrenching blow. I wouldn’t be able to.

So, I dedicate this song to the husband of Lo Hwei Yen. May he be strong and find again, a reason to live. And to live strong.  

And to the absolute love of my life. There is absolutely nothing in life I love more than you.

I can’t remember when you weren’t there
When I didn’t care for anyone but you
I swear, we’ve been through everything there is
Can’t imagine anything we missed
Can’t imagine anything the two of us can’t do
Through the years
You’ve never let me down
You’ve turn my life around
The sweetest days I found
I found with you
Through the years
I’ve never been afraid
I’ve loved the life we’ve made
And I’m so glad I stayed
Right here with you
Through the years

- Through the Years, Kenny Rogers