With Chinese New Year approaching, we have to remember to look beyond all the ‘aiyoh, so big already ah, when getting married ah?’ and ‘you not getting younger you know…’ talk from relatives who have nothing better to say. Yes it may be a time for getting ang pows, or grit-and-grin patience, but more than that, it’s a time to remember your roots and your family.

Thus it was with much sadness I came across this evening….

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After I got down from the first bus to transfer to another at Chinatown, an elderly man infront me tapped his EZ-Link Card but found out there’s no more credit in it. He took to the seat behind the driver’s and took out his little red purse searching for change.

I took out my wallet, asked for the old man’s fare from the driver and promptly paid a dollar for it, giving the old man his ticket while I walked to the back of the bus. The old man smiled and said thanks, taking the seat beside mine.

I started some small talk with him, asking about the Chinese New Year decorations and how would he spent the CNY.

"Me? No, I’m spending it alone. My kids are all grown up and have their own families," he said in Hokkien with a sigh. "Don’t want to trouble them lar…".

I asked him how could that be? What about the customary Reunion Dinner? No need for that, he replied, smoothing his pearly-white hair. Let them save the money for my grandchildren he said with a glint in his eyes.

He went on talking about his life, how he has seen the world changed around him and how his generation has been viewed as a burden. Life is still good, his sons still brings his grandchildren to visit him at his two-room flat occasionally, he lamented flatly.

He asked if I’m married or attached.

I said no, I’m not. Still young…

He gave a jolly laugh and told me, "You are a fine man. I can see from your face. Don’t worry, if you can’t find any, I’ll introduce my grand-daughter to you."

I thanked him, stressing it’s just a small gesture from me. No need for the great kindness.

His stop came. I baded farewell to him. He gave an acknowledging nod and smiled, leaving me with a profound lesson and question.

Though I’m not skillfully proficient in dialects, I can feel his emotions so sharply. His desire to spend what could be his last few CNYs with his children and grandchildren, the helplessness of not able to contribute anymore to a land he had spent his whole life on and the strong gratitude for a stranger that is from nowhere.

The older generation, especially the late 60s to 80s, have done us alot. They have opened up the land and provided for the Singapore we have now. Each tile, each road and everything we have around us, is made by their very hands, sweating for the good of their later generations. They took the road less travelled, braving the elements and obstacles, rallied against all odds to see their children into better times, providing the dedication and guidance they could ever give.

Shouldn’t we be doing them good in return?

We bloody should.

Sometimes, we kept on pursuing what the future may lay for us, chasing in the blinded race where often, humane emotions are scorned at. We fail to see what the past has put us through and what many facades it had gone through, leaving us disillusioned and clueless about how real is suffering is, compared to the measly prick at the back of the hand we complain relentlessly about.

Do yourself a favour; Next time you see an elderly, treat them with the respect and dignity due to them. Talk to the lonely them. You’ll be awfully surprised with what Life’s lessons they could share with you.

For a dollar, I felt this lesson on a short bus journey invaluable.

The show that pleased EVERYONE…..

too… m-many… things… to… d-d-do……t-too… l-little… t-t-time…… Been rather occupied these few months… But nevermind… Juz a couple of weeks more n I should b able to relax liao…

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it’s love when you treat each other well. You are a giving lover, but you don’t give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

oh yeah… quite a long long while since I last blogged… haha…. AnYwaY… some updates… well, I have been busying with finishing up a project… as well as the Engineering Project Show! Managed to finish e project few days before the show… so finally a heavy load is off my back!!!

I had a long talk with my dad yesterday. It was one of those sessions which I enjoyed tremendously when I was a small little boy. And which I found out that I still do althought now that I’m no longer one. I was fortunate enough to be brought up in a not so traditional Chinese family. My parents have always treated me like a friend and confidante besides treating me like a son. I could always joke, tease and mock them.

Growing up as the only son only strengthened my bond with them. There were never scoldings nor curfews nor punishments. There was only trust.

Trust that I know what I was doing.

Trust that I knew the consequences to my actions.

Trust that I will repent if I made a mistake.

And most importantly, trust that I will go back to them for help if things became beyond my control.

Now that I’m all grown up of sorts, I’m beginning to really appreciate and understand all those bedtime talks I had when I was growing up. There’s something so special and assuring in their words. That though it was a very generic question and one they would ask every single day. It was also one that I found comfort in.

I haven’t had such a talk with them in a long while.

Not because I didn’t want to.

But I didn’t know how to start without them knowing about the rough times I was enduring. I just didn’t want them to worry about me.

Call it pride, stubbornness or plain stupidity. But I am a person that fiercely believes that my problems are mine alone to solve. And that I can never weight another down with what I can deal with myself.

And so I avoided all discussions.

And then I avoided any sort of talks.

I began to even avoid discussions at dinner time.

Eventually I just stopped talking.

Day after day, I kept on avoiding what I could, Fighting my own demons in my own world by my own self. It was too long a shot. And it drained me out completely. It’s ironic now that I think about it. How my actions pushed them over the edge when all along I thought what I did was to protect them from it.

Yesterday, I finally found enough courage to talk to my dad. Because I finally realize how silly I was to keep them in the dark. We talked about our fears and our beliefs. How our faith faltered then strengthened again… I poured my heart out… after so long… I cried… I have not been crying for so so long.

I managed to accept what I’ve rejected all these while. It’s been so many years.

But the comfort in their words still brings me warmth.

Everything is going to be ok after all!!!

Weeks of holidays have passed… and finally, for today, I am able to have a lil’ time to myself. Besides teaching swimming this morning, I have the whole of the afternoon to myself. Such a simple moment, was such a luxury to me.

When was the last time I spend some time alone in my room with my radio on in the background, doing things I long to do… relaxing myself to the lazy afternoon? I can’t remember…

As I grow older, I seem to be very cooped up with lots of things. School, social obligations, work and those unimportant issues, have been making me busy. You can take a look at my messy organizer, see the way I squeeze as many events as possible in a day, stretching the limited 24-hours a day to the maximum while sacrificing my beauty sleep.

When I was preparing for my exams a couple of weeks back, I told myself to leave the holidays free so I may have ample rest. Then I deferred the rest and went back to work. While working, I told myself to leave the remaining days free again so I may rest. It was only two weeks after my work was I able to rest finally. See, that’s procrastinating and it’s bad.

Yes, some may have thought that this is THE life a youth like myself should live. This VIBRANT lifestyle, some say, should be cherished before time slipped past us unknowingly and we realized we are too old for it. True to a certain extend… but I just don’t like it.

My threshold for such a busy lifestyle has got the better of me. I feel that I’m being unfair to myself. I’m losing myself. I ought to grap a grip and stop this hectic lifestyle of mine. I should take a deep breathe and slow down… take a look at everything around me, and admire what God has created for me on this earth. Yea, I believe He has created everything just for me. He loves me that much.

I want to have a meaningful life, not one filled with activities I can’t remember ten years down the road. I want to spend time with God, my love ones and myself… doing things I enjoy and not those that I’ll grumble about. This is life.

Is this yet another sign of aging? Hmm… I couldn’t be bothered any longer. I’m so tired of being so occupied. On the other hand, I know for sure that these relaxing days won’t last. When school starts, I’ll be back to my hectic self… constantly drilled by the unsympathetic demands from the rest of the world, draining the last few drops of blood that’s left in my body. What a cruel world.

Anyway, I am still thankful to Abba for all He has done in my life. I believe He is the one that has carried me through all those difficult times when I know I can’t make it by my self-effort. But because of Him, my lovely Father, I can be where I am today. He has bring me through the tough currents in the past, brought me onto a peaceful sailing now, and will continue to do the same in future. I’m glad He is in my life and the sole reason why I’m in this world.

What about you? Are you hurdling along the tough torrents through the crowd? How did you cope it? Aren’t you going to take a break any sooner?

Aaaah. The luxury of life is now.

Happy New Year….!

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